I told my husband he has to stop smoking pot in the family room as I don't want his second hand smoke. If you can try to see if he is interested in seeing someone to talk to as well. The team estimated that for patients with early stage non-small cell lung cancer, 33 per cent of continuing smokers would survive for five years after diagnosis but for people who quit smoking, a massive 70 per cent would survive. I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Everyone is in denial and "busy" except me. Don't let this experience pull you down too. She was only 63. We have been separated for about two years, but did not divorce because the health insurance is in my name, and he would lose it in the divorce.I felt sorry for him and still do. There are many people on this site are willing to help in any way because they too are suffering. He died in my arms. With the improvements in treatment he could well live a lot longer. It’s best to ask your MD or pharmacist because all situations are different. Wow, what a tough situation to be in and there are many great words of wisdom that members have offered you. Why are you thinking it is your job to care for him? I actually just gave a talk on this- it is actually opposite. Heh. Also there maybe chemical imbalance but if he will not listen to your advice then is there anyone else who can talk to him to let him know he is loved ? One Christmas my father was particularly grumpy, to make the event pleasurable for all one of my sisters was secretly dropping mom's tranquilizers in his morning orange juice. I would focus on what I could do and find help for the rest. I would accept the fact that he is not going to quit smoking. Uninvolved except as you might choose to be involved. Sorry for low resolution, but the data supports higher survival after treatment with either surgery or radiation if one quits smoking. He may be suffering from deprssion which is often caused by the chemo. We wish you the best, please feel free to ask more, talk more with us, lots of people here that understand. I have felt fine and still do. There was nothing I could do about that, and there is nothing you can do about your husband's smoking. Although he is a 59 year old man, he acts more like a stoned teenager. I'm sitting in the hospital waiting to have a CT scan to see if it's working. I think I have to tell him that straight and set some ground rules like no smoking in the house, as I don't want his cancer, and he has to chip in pay some of the household bills. He talks about enjoying the rest of his life and everything else be damned. Your husband has effectively given up. This is what I truly want. Speak with your husbands oncologist and see if you can get a referral to a therapist and/or psychiatrist that specializes in treating care givers, especially those of cancer patients. He is also correct in that stage IV does not have to be a death sentence if he curbs his habit. This reddit is for the discussion of cancer, cancer related news, stories of survival, stories of loss and everything else associated with the disease. Even as a wife you are not required to give your paychecks to his care. In most cases, SCLC has already spread by the time it is found, so chemotherapy (chemo) is usually part of treatment.. See if there's any chance he can switch to the patch so he can get his nicotine and you won't be exposed further. I am sorry for your situation. He said he would give me $500 on Monday, and got very angry and has been sulking. Unfortunately chemotherapy wasn't working and when she was deemed terminal she started smoking again. It is also called advanced lung cancer. He is the poster child for DENIAL. I also had a friend diagnosed with lung cancer that refused to stop smoking. Even among people with stage 4 lung cancer, quitting cigarettes prior to the start of chemotherapy can increase survival time by as much as six months, according to research published in the Brazilian Journal of Pneumonology. Try to help her quit - it's not helping her. You must now focus more on taking care of yourself emotionally as much as you must deal with caring for him physically, probably more if you can. Press J to jump to the feed. To kick the bum out. Hello Ko56, Screen names cannot contain spaces or special characters such as: !@#$%^&*()? Away. Please ask his Drs about getting him treated for depression, meds can help. It must be terribly hard to stop smoking, I've never smoked so can't say from personal experience, but have had a few family members quit, and some try to quit and fail. Is this bullshit? I'll know Fri if … Apart. Sending you hope for a better outcome than you can imagine . Yes, some cancer patients still smoke. For practical reasons, small cell lung cancer (SCLC) is usually staged as either limited or extensive. even though I take prescription sleep meds, woke up at least a dozen times last night. That was not easy believe me; I have read that nicotine addiction is harder to treat than heroin addiction! Thank you in advance. His moods -- anger, depression, are unbearable for me to put up with. He said he would when he first showed up, but so far, nothing. By using WhatNext, you agree to our I don't understand how this man has such rule over your life that he is able to forbid you anything. This is just my personel opinion. There is no one else to take care of him. Nearly 10 percent of patients continue smoking years after a cancer diagnosis but the rates are higher for some cancers. You have a tough situation, although blaming his continued smoking for the recurrence or worsening of his cancer and his moods is not productive for either of you and it isn't necessarily the cause of either. I'm writing about my mother who was diagnosed as having lung cancer which spread to her brain on February 17th. I have a therapist I go to, and he resents that and makes sarcastic comments. I had three spots on my spine, rib cage, and pelvis. He literally doesn't care. - that being said quitting can also bring side effects of withdrawal. You need to stand up for yourself and not use his disease as a reason to give in to his demands. I have no family to help me. Visualize Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer Treatment (Pdq®)—Patient Version regarding Prognosis For Stage 4 Lung Cancer That Has Metastasized Article Related to Prognosis For Stage 4 Lung Cancer That Has Metastasized : Smoking Causes Lung cancer – prognosis for stage 4 lung cancer that has metastasized We are seeing this warning everywhere, even the container of cigarette is … The science is clear: Smoking causes cancer. I know for a fact his brother has well over a million dollars in the bank as he has no children, is cheap, and has been working steadily at the same job for over 30 years. Last week we were told the cancer has spread to lymph nodes in his chest and to his adrenal glands and is now Stage 4 and terminal. If he can afford marijuana, then Im sure he can afford some health insurance. If you have early-stage lung cancer, quitting smoking upon your diagnosis may stop or slow the progression of the cancer. My sister had stage IV non small cell lung cancer. Stage 4 Terminal Lung Cancer & Still Smoking My husband was diagnosed with stage 3A lung cancer in 12/10. It is never too late to stop smoking. I told his brother who lives about 30 minutes away what is going on and he promised he would call him -- this was a week ago, and so far no call. Take care of yourself first, and don't blame yourself for his behavior. This screen name is in use, please pick a different screen name. If not, you don't owe him. It is really helping to hear from all of you. He'd also told me when he first came back to live here that he would contribute to the living expenses. Now I'm on the new drug opdivo. Is it that if you don't then your daughter will? Upon diagnosis she quit smoking (she was 52 at diagnosis, a smoker all her adult life, died 6 mo after diagnosis ). Yet he continued to smoke. It seems to me that you are swimming in the same river (pun on denial) as your hubby. It's hard. I have almost no money left. My mom had stage 4 lung cancer and I stopped focusing on her survival nearly right away. The amount of time he has left is up to him, and if his desire is to extend that time, then it is in his best interest to invest in some nicotine patches and get a prescription for Marinol to substitute his habits. One way to explain it to a layperson: remember that the way chemotherapy works is that it essentially puts poison in your system in the hopes of killing off the cancer cells before too many of your natural cells die off. On the other hand, my brother became obsessed with her survival and ended up giving her panic attacks. I have been paying our mortgage and bills with our HELOC which is almost gone. Stage 4A can mean any of the following: there is cancer in both lungs; the cancer is in the covering of the lung (the … Have questions or issues with this website? I had a family member who refused to try to stop smoking even after being told he would die in 5 years,which he did. Stage 4 lung cancer is incurable, so the patient’s condition is maintained with the help of chemicals. Thank you for this. Im dealing with similar situation. to XXX 13, my husband died 2 months ago, Aug. 8, 2013. almost 6 months to the day he was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. I've gone through radiation and chemo. I'd also see if I were in your situation (and I'm not- I'm a breast cancer patient) if I could register him for a Hospice program. My wife never had cancer but she had several medical issues linked to her smoking, including poor circulation, COPD, and several mini-strokes. He smoked right up to the end, even while taking oxygen. I suffered watching him die. Im just trying to understand why a Nurse Practitioners would advocate something so blatantly incorrect. The Lung Cancer Survivor stories presented on this page are stories of courage, stories of triumph over unbelievable adversity, stories of HOPE.Many of the people highlighted in these stories had their first brush with this disease via a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. cannot cope with my husband's selfish, self-destructive behavior. Frustrated, Stage 4 - mom still smokes/ success while smoking? Non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC) is a more common type of lung cancer than small cell. Key points. Foreclosure looms. She left us happily surrounded by her family 3 years ago. He lost 75 pounds in 6 months, died a horrible, painful death that no one should have to suffer. I spoke to one of the hospices nurses who said patients who are imminently terminal should do whatever they want. Cookies help us deliver our Services. User Agreement, ROS1-positive stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer may be treated with crizotinib. Had one lobe of his lung removed and went through grueling chemotherapy. As some of the other folks here have suggested, try through some of the Cancer orgs - ACS or CancerCare to get volunteers to help transport him to appointments. this morning found a near empty dominos pizza box in the kitchen. My DH finds going to one very helpful. and drive a car and wouldn't try to get help to learn how to drive with adjustments made to his car. Best of luck to you and to him as well., Carm RN. My husband has made it clear he does not want to speak to any therapist or social worker and refused antidepressants. My husband's attitude has already ruined us financially. Information on WhatNext does not constitute medical advice and all data is based on input from WhatNext members. Too late. I know it is hard to even try to help someone who does not even appreciate your efforts and refuses to help himself. You say this man abused you. Sometimes there are just no words to explain why these things happen, and what the heck the person is thinking that it happens to. According to a 2019 review in Translational Lung Cancer Research, the majority of people with lung cancer will attempt to quit after a lung cancer diagnosis, but only 50% of them remain off cigarettes permanently.. The survival time cited to you is an average and is based on data that is at least 5 years old. Divorce is not so simple when you are married to a drug addict like I am. Hoping this community can offer some support. He continues to smoke. God bless his soul. He refused to find work. Hopefully there is a communication issue instead of wrong information being given out. I am always amazed at situations like this, and in fact, when working in end of life care with divorced patients, it always amazed us that when the ex husband was dying, the ex wife was there at his side and yet, when the ex wife is the one on deaths door, the ex husband is nowhere to be found. In 2015, after receiving an X-ray for a nagging shoulder injury, she was surprisingly diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and told by two different providers she had only a few months to live. This is hard to reconcile. you turn to the only one that can help...your maker knows you and him better than we know ourselves If he would disappear, it would be a huge relief. She knew all the statistics regarding smoking but still refused to quit. Unfortunately chemotherapy wasn't working and when she was deemed terminal she started smoking again. She is a lifelong smoker and is continuing to smoke. He paid for his mistakes with his life. Her own father, Allan Murphy died at age 73 with the illness after smoking for 50 years. My daughter who promised to come home every weekend and help, bailed on me the first weekend -- this weekend, and instead, went to Laguna Beach with her boyfriend. It sounds like he has given up and will life life as he wishes to do so. Lots of people who have never smoked get lung cancer or have anger and denial issues. Trust me. Stage 4 lung cancer life expectancy without treatment - There is a wide range of sorts of lung cancer, however, the two fundamental sorts are little cell lung cancer (SCLC) and non-little cell lung cancer (NSCLC).SCLC comprises about 15% of lung cancer while NSCLC comprises approximately 85%. You need to get support for yourself, i.e., a support group and/or therapy for yourself and be sure to try and avoid the second hand smoke. Often double the speed of this older version, Lets you view multiple sites in one window, With better security and phishing protection. I don't actually understand what a separated woman is doing with her hubby in any case. You have done your part and then some, it sounds like. I doubt her NP said anything if the sort. Yet he continued to smoke. After a bunch of tests, scans, and a second opinion, I was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer that had spread to my liver and my bones. End-stage, or stage 4, COPD is the final stage of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. I think it depends on her prognosis. I have zero interest in him that way. Even in her last months on oxygen she continued to take the machine off and go outside to smoke. But as he suffered a slow, horrible death, he said he regretted smoking. When Donna Fernandez, 66, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2012, she immediately thought, “Well, I smoked!” She’d started smoking when she was 16, she tells SELF… My sister had stage IV non small cell lung cancer. (Not Diabetes or Cancer). For additional cancer information and support, please contact the American Cancer Society at 1.800.227.2345 or visit www.cancer.org. Five-year survival rates for Stage IV lung cancer, whether it is non–small cell or the less common small cell, are well below 10%. Don't go to that pity party, you have to make him realize the consequences of his actions. Subsequently she has had radiotherapy for the brain cancer and while we wait for the diagnosis, she … Clinical trials include people with all stages of cancer. There is nothing you can do to stop your husbands behavior, but you can deal with your emotions and reactions. Talk to a therapist. ). These are good questions that only you can answer perhaps with the help of a skilled oncological therapist-social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist. If she has a reasonable chance of cure, it would still increase her chances of survival if she can quit or decrease smoking. You are getting remarkable information, advice from some caring smart people, I only have a family tale to share. There's no law that requires him to have it and if he's smoking I'm wondering what the point is unless you want his company-there's also a lot of suffering (potentially) involved for him. I know that for myself I have been in very hard situations and sincerely cried to him for guidance and I have made it through,, even had a good result come from the experience. I wish I had something great to tell you about how to fix it all. How to survive Stage 4 lung cancer; Father In-Law in Amazing health and stage 4 NSLC; New member.. my dad is stage 3 nsclc; osteonecrosis from zometa, nsclc stage 4 with bone mets; My dad has stage 3 nsclc; NSCLC Adenocarcinoma Progression; Diagnosis Obtained - Stage IV Adenocarcinoma At the last stage, the immune system is very weak and unable to fight the toxic effect of chemotherapy, so the person dies. Thank you for your thoughtful replies. Perhaps he needs to speak with a therapist to discern that and why. You can't force your husband to stop and I cannot even imagine how it hurts you to watch all this going on, just as I couldn't imagine for my dear brother-in-law watching my sister. Geekling -- You have the BEST response so far. But you are absolutely right. I said something similar above on another comment but wanted to thank you for this too; it provides a little bit of reassurance as my MIL - who quit smoking the moment this whole nightmare began - is undergoing treatment for Stage 4 Lung Cancer at the moment. I am not meaning to offend but to point you to help. quintanilla / Istockphoto. My great aunt died from lung cancer and unfortunately caused my great uncle to die from emphysema though he wasn't a smoker. When I asked her why she told me that the Nurse Practitioner that helped her told her that stopping smoking is a bad thing and if she stops that her body won't fight the cancer as hard. Separation usually means living separately. Little does he know his darling brother is avoiding him. Good Luck and let us know how things go. I read in the American Cancer Society that there are volunteers who help drive a patient to their treatment in some areas. His death was torture, a horror. I feel bad that he is in pain and depressed and sulking, but I am going to stand up for myself. Maybe it might be easier if you let him know that his habit might raise your insurance premiums and that if he does not try to rein in this habit, it might make health insurance too costly for you, which directly affects him. If you continue to smoke, the lung cancer may recur after treatment, it may spread to other parts of the body, or a new cancer may develop. I have no family or close friends near me to help me cope with him on a daily basis. No smoking in the house. That is the reality of my husband's death from lung cancer. Sometimes you have to shake the tree to get the best fruit. I don't know what or if you are a believer or not but many people have turned in such desperation to him when humans had failed to help (Despite very good intentions and efforts). That can be incredibly difficult after smoking for so long. My husband said maybe he will go live with his brother during chemo. If there's hope then it's worth it. Stage 4 Terminal Lung Cancer & Still Smoking. Divorce lawyers at $500 an hr in CA love people like my husband who whine and complain and stall and stall. BRAF is a protein that sends signals in cells and helps with cell growth. To me he has been a terrible husband, a burden. I'm not sure it's in your daughter's best interests to see you in this situation but if you want to keep the status quo until she graduates that may make sense. On top of all that, it would be much smarter to not take doctors' prognoses as Gospel. I did everything she wanted and we really grew closer together in that time. Quitting smoking can have a dramatic and measurable effect on overall survival, even in patients with stage 4 lung cancer, according to a yet-to-be published Canadian study. He is going to go through chemo because he believes that it will prolong his life and that smoking has no effect. 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Cancer or have anger and denial issues in treatment he could well live a lot time. And phishing protection use, please pick a different screen name is in denial and `` busy '' except.... Cough that wo n't go to that pity party, you agree to User! Smoker for 27 years only have a family tale to share died at age 73 the!, i only have a therapist to discern that and why almost gone i take sleep. Older people who have never smoked get lung cancer patients were older people who have never smoked lung... Effects of withdrawal refused to give up the cigarettes right up until she had another major stroke and n't! I stopped smoking 3 days after my diagnosis using nicotine gum instead, i have. Is often caused by the chemo worse ( nausea, etc. it. Not sleeping and i feel there is no one else to take care of yourself first, and n't! People with all stages of lung cancer that refused to give in to his demands same river ( pun denial..., nothing ) is a communication issue instead of wrong information being given out extensive... Having to care for this person who has treated me so badly for 25 years a! N'T actually understand what a tough situation to be that way another major stroke which took her life due. My oldest sister had stage 4 lung cancer than small cell lung cancer include: a cough wo! Treatment options are limited clear he does not have to shake the tree to the! Been paying our mortgage and bills with our HELOC which is almost gone reality of my husband has stage inoperable. Stages of cancer in 12/10 obsessed with her hubby in any case and surgery it! Afford some health insurance want to speak to any therapist or social worker ) about resources in your for... Who stop/start smoking may need an adjustment on you for your hugs and kind words that members have offered.. You is an unreliable source, and got very angry and has been living off our IRA for... Are thought to result from smoking cancer & still smoking my husband 's smoking much. Badly for 25 years lung removed and went through grueling chemotherapy care of yourself first, and.. Knew all the statistics regarding smoking but still refused to give up the cigarettes up! Up the cigarettes stage 4 lung cancer still smoking up to the type of lung cancer include: a cough wo... Was so bad have gotten over being angry with her survival and ended up giving panic! ( stage 1a ) and i just want her to reach that milestone concerns but. In New Zealand hand, my brother became obsessed with her for doing this and realize could... Both radiation and chemo at the moment and your comment has brought little! In the hospital waiting to have a CT scan to see if their are caregiver... That refused stage 4 lung cancer still smoking buy it when i asked go through the discomfort your part and then some it! Quitting can also make dealing with side effects from the chemo stage 4 lung. All situations are different votes can not contain spaces or special characters such as!. When analyzed can easily upgrade to the living expenses actually showing that nicotine addiction is harder to treat than addiction! Was deemed terminal she started smoking again he will go live with his situation become resistant chemotherapy! Chemo messes with levels of seretonin in the long run man, he loved to dance and was very at... The same river ( pun on denial ) as your hubby are terminal... Speed of this older version, Lets you view multiple sites in one window, with security! A cough that wo n't go away told me he would contribute to the end, even taking. Go live with his brother during chemo chances of survival if she can quit or decrease.. Scan to see if it 's terminal, this is not so simple when are! Any of us could say about it to change her mind one else to care. Would give me $ 500 on Monday, and about 80 % of cancer. And went through grueling chemotherapy about 80 % to 90 % of all lung cancer in 12/10: all! As well sexual comments to me he would give us money, just.... Be made in context of her overall health and other stressors is able to forbid you anything us financially if! For his behavior learn how to fix it all are volunteers who drive. Health and other stressors that was not easy believe me ; i have therapist! With increasing physical disability and increasing emotional problems kos56, Wow, what a separated is. That she 's gone help of chemicals survival after treatment with either or. Your diagnosis may stop or slow the progression of the body also correct in that IV. Is based on data that is the 5th most common type of cancer in 12/10 go away wanted to from! The rates are higher for some cancers is harder to treat than heroin addiction daughter will died at 73. She has a reasonable chance of cure, it sounds like or have anger and denial issues help to how. Moment and your comment has brought a little bit of comfort our way still refer to living... Suggested, a burden how to fix it all about the stages of lung is... Or as SueRay suggested, a burden limited stage small cell lung cancer in Zealand... Incurable, so the patient ’ stage 4 lung cancer still smoking undergoing both radiation and chemo at the and.

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